Over the years of listening to Dance music, I’ve developed nicknames for many Deejays. Some out of love, some out of hate, some out of drunken childish behavior. Here’s a list of my top favorite nicknames for DJs …

*Ass-well: The First time I heard Axwell’s name, I really thought it was Ass-well. Oh well. All’s well that ends well right? However, the only thing that needs to end is this guy’s music. Someone should forget to pay the electric bill so the power can get cut off in the middle of his set.

*Bart B Moron: Bart B More, the “Special” DJ. (And when I say “special”, I mean “total idiot” and by “total idiot” I mean complete friggin moron.) A DJ who forgets to bring shoes to his gigs and loses his headphones on a monthly basis can’t ever expect to be anywhere near as smart as Paris Hilton.

Yes, that would be a flip flop in his hand. At least he remembered to bring some sort of foot wear.

*David Guetta-life: If you listen to David Guetta’s music, you should GET A LIFE! (And not one of those fist pumpin’, tight shirt wearing Jersey Shore lives either.) If you’re at one of Guettalife’s shows, there’s a good chance this is your life and you might want to starting praying that you don’t get punched in the face like Snooki.

*Diva Rodent: Deadmau5 is notorious for being one of the biggest dicks and divas in all the land! I truly believe he is one of the Wicked Bitches… I mean Witches from OZ reincarnated. Could someone please drop a house on his skinny 130lbs ass so maybe he’d have some respect for people? Plus, it’s my life long dream to run up on stage at one of his shows and punch that stupid mouse head off of his puny head. (Don’t hate, you know you thought about doing it too).

*Eric poop-face Morillo: Every time Eric Morillo deejays…..his face looks like he went on a food binge of tacos and prune juice that ended up with a bus loaded with corn filled kids waiting to be dropped off at the pool.

Constipated much Mr. Poop-face Morillo?

*Uncle Benny: The nightlife hasn’t been too kind to Ol’ Uncle Benny Benassi. He’s starting to show his age after all these years. “I remember when I had to walk 50 miles to the club every night just to dj for 5 minutes and with a set of headphones made from some tin cans and  home spun string.” I wonder how hard it’s going to be to deejay in a wheelchair?

*Horseface: Is it just me or does Tiesto have the BIGGEST horse face head you’ve ever seen? When he deejays, I don’t know whether to cheer him on or pet him on his nose and feed him a carrot. Either way, enduring one of his sets is like being at the Kentucky Derby and betting your life savings on the horse that always comes in last.

*Fedde Le Petite: What’s so “grand” about Fedde Le Grand? He’s half the size of his fellow Dutchmen and only slightly taller than a drunken midget. Besides, any name that includes the letters “Le” in the middle of it is automatically banned from anything even considered manly. ( “Le Pretty Boy”)

Ladies and gay boys thinks he’s “cute”. *gags*

*Kim Fail: When you have the first name of a girl and you’re a dude (who also plays crappy music),  it’s bound to end up being not just a routine run of the mill fail. Instead, it has the potential of being a big fat juicy (say it with me…) “EPIC FAIL!!!!”.

*Max Mangina: Why? Because Max Vangeli drinks champagne out of cute little glasses when he deejays. That’s why! (My previous blog of djs + booze will explain the relation of the two. http://blog.pure.fm/fun/djs-hospitality-riders )  If you’re gonna drink champagne don’t use glasses, drink it straight out of the bottle like a rock star. Also, don’t open it with your petite little girlie fingers. Pull out a 7 foot long razor sharp ninja sword and hack off that mother-f-er top like a real man.

*Shit-ram: Just listen to one of Sharam’s sets and you’ll understand why it feels less like being at a club and more like playing pin the tail on the donkey in a prison shower. By the way, you’re the donkey!

*Shape-shitters: These guys (Shapeshifters) are suppose to represent U.K. house? Instead, they sounds more like they’re playing house with a bunch of little U.K. boys in a house full of catholic priests.

*Steve And Jello: I like making fun of Steve Angello just cuz it’s fun and because I really love Jello. (Especially the red kind.) Also, he has a tour manager that looks like a M.I.B agent that always wears a suit. Maybe Steve is a really big dj on another planet and maybe he plays good music there?! I guess we’ll never know.

*Prince of Darkness:  Dubfire wears nothing but all black to his gigs. His music is so boring and gloomy that he makes Emo kids smile. Rumor has it that during his set,  he can summon dark clouds above the crowd and Lord Voldemort and Darth Vader are hang’in out in the VIP.

*Always words of nonsense by DJ P.A.N.D.A *

(Find me on twitter.com/DJ_P_A_N_D_A)

It’s Friday and you are blasting David Guetto….. I mean Guetta’s new track on the way home from work. You start to make plans with your friends to hit up the new club that everybody’s been raving about. Nighttime finally comes and you spend an hour getting ready to head out to the club….  another hour getting to the club and once you have arrived…. you spend another hour in line only to get rejected at the door by the discriminating douchebag door guy who doesn’t give you a “real” reason for doing so. Now you’re probably wondering why you wasted 3 hours of your life only to be DENIED at the door. No need to plan murder plots against the door guy or think your life is over because you got rejected from a club. (There are MORE important things to life then getting into a club, such as playing curling…..).

As most of you know from experience that getting into a popular club on a busy night can be a MISSION, especially if you don’t know any of the staff or want to spend $$$$$ for VIP service. Why do some clubs have such strict door policies? I don’t know, nor do I care. All I know is that in order to get into some of these clubs, you have to treat it like a mission…. you plan, prepare, and execute it to precision.

Let’s start with the planning. What do we know about clubs and the douchey door guys? They love HOT chicks and HOT chicks. So the first step is to gather HOT chicks. (If you are a guy and you don’t have any hot female friends, then you are failing life. If you are a girl and you are not hot yourself, make yourself hot or find hot friends).

Find or be like the HOT chicks shown below.

Next step: preparation (dress code). Most clubs will tell you to “dress to impress”, so dress to impress!

Ladies: wear the least amount of clothing and reveal as much skin as possible. Put on those 5 inches f*ck me hooker heels and try to dress as similar to Lil’ Kim as possible. However, do NOT wear a size small when you know you are a big girl. Back fat, side rolls, and muffin tops are not sexy.

One word: Fugly (extremely ugly)

Guys: wear Ed Hardy b-dazzled t-shirts, designer jeans with the logo that covers the entire back pockets, and rhinestone filled skeleton-head belt buckles. Aim for the guido douchebag look because door guys love douchey looking guys…..it reminds them of themselves. Always remember to put on deodorant because sweaty pit stains and body odor are automatic female repellents. If you plan on spiking up your hair, please don’t make the tips too pointy because they can potentially poke an eye out while you are fist pumping/head banging to the music.

Dress like these guys in Ed Hardy gear and you’ll be in the club in no time.

Final step: execution. This is the most important step of the mission or else all the hours of planning and preparation will be wasted. First of all, act like the boss and own the door. Gather your troop of HOT chicks and work your way up to the rope. Push everybody aside and strut up to the door guy with authority and say you are on the list. While insisting you are on the list, start namedropping the owner, the general manager, the headlining DJ etc… At this point, you should be within the safety zone of the door and on your way into the club. If you are not, then you must have not planned or prepared correctly and you should at this point tattoo “FAILURE” on your forehead. (Or I can personally come and do it for you).

Just remember, clubs loves HOT chicks. Find or be a HOT chick and you’ll be able to get into any club anywhere.

*Words of nonsense by DJ P.A.N.D.A *

*More words of nonsense on twitter.com/DJ_P_A_N_D_A*

One of our station managers, Michał Jedliński aka DJ Mike Noir decided to enjoy a day of hot tubbing.  We were fortunate (or not so fortunate maybe?) to leak this image of him LOLLLLL

Here is to one of our hard working staff members, Mike:

Since a lot of the Pure.FM community is international and of course, a ton of soccer fans, I decided to post this hilarious yet gross video of Germany’s coach scoring a new kind of goal!

GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Wanted to let everyone know about a great music event on the radio.  Pure.FM Radio has teamed up with 30+ DJs from Greece who will be showcasing their talented EDM styles.  If you are planning a visit to Greece this summer, this event will be an awesome preview to what you will be hearing at the clubs.

Some of these DJs will be playing at clubs across Athens, Skopelos, Mykonos and Crete.

You can tune in by going to http://www.pure.fm